My brain’s broke.
My passion for my call is… um… er… diluted. Or something.
Maybe a little depression.
They’re about to be grown.
Do you realize that when I started blogging, they were 8th graders?
Everyday of my life, I go back and forth with “good people” v. “academic thingy things”.
I failed to attain to the academics I planned.
They worked with a young woman this summer, who, if she was there when I picked them up from work, would speak blessing over me for my brilliance in producing such amazing people.
I mean, I love them with my life, but I see them from this side.
They say that we tend to compare our blooper reel with everyone else’s highlight reel.
Did I do it? Or did I fail?
Can I make up for lost time in one school year?
Or should I just focus on the boy and write off the losses I feel, that no one else credits?
Today, we went from volleyball practice and to a field trip. To the place with wall to wall trampolines. All three kids had a blast.
And so did I.
They have never seen me off the sidelines.
And they ignored me completely today.
At the end, I was looking around for a free trampoline for one more jump. Seriously. I don’t know what got into me. Or, well, yeah, I do. I’d paid full money for half the time. I was going to jump until the last moment.
I was looking around.
A child appeared.
“Who were you looking for?”
“Nobody. I was looking for a trampoline.”
And she was gone.
I guess she didn’t ignore me after all.
I guess she took a little break from mooning over ALL THE MANY, MANY, MANY BOYS.
Is it enough that delightful adult co-workers find them delightful?
Or have I failed, in that they aren’t going to Harvard?
Would they have done if they’d have gone to traditional school?
Or is that just not their way?
One is decided on a college major. The other hasn’t. And there is no way in God’s green earth that we or anyone else can convince her that she doesn’t need to know what she wants to do for the rest of her life RIGHT NOW. Because she wants to do everything RIGHT NOW.
Just a moment.
Before it’s over.
Before they’re finished with school and moving out into the wide world.
Just one more leap.
Just one more laugh.
Just one more look.
They don’t seem to be paying any attention.
But maybe they are.
One last adventure. All together, but each enjoying our own experience.
Here. Hold my tea. Watch this.