Several weeks ago, I saw this headline.  If you don’t have time to read it all, I’ll synopsize for you.  Prince Harry is not attached because he hasn’t met anyone willing to take on the job of being his woman.  Sometimes he and his brother wish they were normal.

I found this intriguing.  I don’t know what Harry meant by ‘normal’, but it seemed to imply ‘middle class’.  As in: “Normal people, who aren’t famous and don’t have enough money, have no idea how lucky they are not to have to be selective about who they date.”

According to the Free Online Dictionary, Harry may have meant the mathematical, chemical or biological definition or even the town in Illinois, but it sounds like a backhanded insult for which he won’t be held accountable, because he is not normal.

1. Normal is a great thing, yet difficult to achieve.  I, for example, am quite normal in height, hair and eye color; but have never been normal in hearing, I.Q., or sense of humor.  All factors over which I have limited or no control.

2. Normal is house, job and family.  Not knowing who to call when the plumbing fails.  Clocking in at a job you hate for several years.  Being distant with your spouse.

3. Normal is going to the movies and having no one care if you get a drink or a good seat.   If you get a ticket at all.

4. Normal is a $40 pair of jeans, a $30  $9 sweater and a $60 $15 handbag.  Not normal?  How much better even Lancome moisturizer feels compared to Oil of Olay.  Come now, is there anything so bourgeois as Lancome in the palace?

5. Normal is grieving alone.  No notes from strangers.  No excuses for bad behavior.

6. Normal is not an antonym for royal, or famous, or rich.

7. Normal is not synonymous with poverty, obscurity, or liberty.  Anymore than nobility is synonymous with celibacy.

8. Normal should not be confused with normative.  A qualified mental health practitioner will be able to assure you, though you live in a fishbowl; you are fine if the voices aren’t telling you to eat the neighbor’s cat.

9. If your standard for normal is you desire to eff up your life, with no one knowing about it, before settling down, then, Buddy, WELCOME TO NORMAL!  Non-royals have to make wise life choices or deal with the consequences, too.

Dear Harry,

I am sorry you are unhappy.  I apologize for speaking to you as I would to one of my own children. You may well and truly have no one to teach you this basic life lesson.  This is what I do.  Let me invite you back soon for, “Fairness: Why we don’t all wear the same size bra.”
Affectionately,
Maggie S.