2012 May

Can You Take It?

May 26, 2012 by Maggie 10 Comments

Today I took The Mom Pledge. Having seen the badge at many of my favorite blogs, I intended to do it some time ago, but waited in order to think about the words of the pledge and make sure I could say it and feel that I was up to the standard.

Mom Enough, if you please.

The TIME cover story from last week with the bare chested woman, was divisive. Suddenly, moms were comparing themselves to a standard they were unaware or didn’t care about the week before. And it made them angry.

The Mom Pledge is about moms standing together in a world that is poised to pit us one against the other. Gathering around to encourage one another, to help each other, and to hear each other.

Not to criticize others. Not to try to change them.

To gain information and pour out our souls. And to behave as nicely as you would as a guest in that persons home.

At least, that’s my take.

You are invited to take the pledge too.

Filed Under: current events, parenting small children

There’s Always an Extra Blessing to Obedience…Darn It.

May 24, 2012 by Maggie 6 Comments

When I wrote that post on Tuesday, I already had a phone date with Cousin. I also told her in the email I would call our Aunt. Both conversations went really well. Bottom line? I come from good people. I told Aunt what happened with my dad, which she didn’t know. The cousin truly didn’t know anything. We mainly just caught up. It was wonderful. I found out Dad’s pretty sick, but if I lived down the street I probably wouldn’t have found out any sooner. That’s just how my people are.

So yesterday, I can’t concentrate on getting anything done with school mostly finished. It is not energizing to wait around watching 14 year-olds NOT do Algebra.

No matter what the tabloids say.

When they gave up, I did. And after they had stood around in the backyard strategically out of sight, for about half an hour, I leaned out the back door and said, “Clean my house and I’ll take you to [the amusement park]. Ha Ha. It took them, like, 20 minutes. The place sparkled.

The down side? Now I know they are able to do it that fast.

Okay, so it’s weird.

We get there and start walking around. I wait by myself while the kids ride something I can’t ride. And this feeling comes over me. God is going to show me something at the park.

Typing this, I feel foolish. Like people who refer to God speaking to them like Larry King talks to Alec Baldwin.

But it was what it was and I thought, “That’d be nice.” And more or less went on with my on park job of waiting while children ride rides(no, I like it. I people watch.).

At the entrance to the third ride, my kids freak. They ran in all different directions. I couldn’t get there attention to say where to meet or find out who was going where. It was partly the area of the approach, but mostly like herding bouncy, highly energetic cats. Or puppies.

I digress.

They kind of freaked. And I am standing there trying to holler names and find out where everyone is trying to go and one of them says, “That lady just called your name.”

I spun around. What lady? An adult who knows me? That my kids don’t recognize?

“Maggie, Is it you?”

It was me. It was her.

We stood in the exact middle of the exit. Holding each other and rocking back and forth.

We were friends before kids.

Both of us were new to the church, stayed home even though we had no kids, and needed a friend our age in town. I was from Oklahoma and had worked as a nanny for two years. She was from Brazil. Her husband was in law school and she was alone a good bit.

I was at the hospital when her first baby was born…the girls were 13 months old. His feet were bigger than theirs that day.

All the children gathered around for 3.5 seconds for an introduction, looking all the time like,”Is this going to keep me from going to the next ride?”

It was okay…we started talking. Just like before.

It began to rain.

She had to go.

She told her son, “She was my only friend, then.”

I sat in awe of her as simply amazing. Then, as in a moment, yesterday.

The rain poured down and the kids ran on ahead and I pondered.

I noticed a group whose t-shirt had a Bible verse on it.

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”

I thought, “Yeah, I need to start doing that.”

But then I realized… What if it was seeking his Kingdom to seek peace with relatives and He added family? What if obedience, like Algebra or housecleaning, is soooooo hard, yet it doesn’t take very long and look at the results? The downside? Now I know I can do it.

Work for two.

Gets one free.

Filed Under: Gratittude, life lessons, my age, Prayer, where I'm from

If It Were That Simple; Everyone Would Do It

May 22, 2012 by Maggie 9 Comments

Anyone who’s known my blog for awhile may have noticed I don’t mention parents, in-laws or extended family. I always affirm others in those relationships, but haven’t shared my own story.

Lately, I have felt prompted about simple obedience. No matter that the world around me is having a full on revolution of selfish self-seeking rude violent lawlessness. What leads to happiness is what always has.

“Trust and Obey, for there’s no other way to be happy…”

Elisabeth Eliot, once teaching on finding rest, said,”The happiest students on any college campus are the athletes and musicians, because they have voluntarily come under discipline.”

We’ve had a lot of change going on. Change can bring discomfort. If you want to know about trusting God, I can’t tell you, because the minute we got a little money in the house, I started having trouble listening to Him. I know what I ought to do. I would prefer to do something else. So, I am living the philosophy that I have always hated most

“It’s easier to ask forgiveness than to ask permission.”

Um, no. It isn’t.

At any rate, along with EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE UNIVERSE, the topic of extended family relationships began to nag at me. What is my role? Do I want to lose them forever?

Two years ago, my dad’s ~~step~~daughter publicly eviscerated me on facebook. I promptly called him to say I didn’t say anything that warranted that response and in the course of the conversation said, “I understand that you may have found your second family and might not need a relationship with me, but…”

And while I paused to search for the right words to ask that I not be bawled out by people who don’t know me for things I have never expressed or implied, he said, “Yep.”

He didn’t clarify and ended the conversation by saying he’d talk to me in a few days.

I never heard his voice again.

And no one else’s in the family either.

Based on the thinking of the last couple of weeks, which coincide exactly with the original event, I moved forward, tentatively; with an email to the cousin closest to me in age. My cousin responded to my email by saying:

“I don’t know about it, or want to take sides. I just think it is sad for all involved.”

If they don’t know, how can they think it’s sad. Isn’t it taking sides to not hear both and not speak to the person whose side you haven’t heard?

To my blame, writing this has made me realize, if I’ve been having a hard time listening to God, I shouldn’t initiate processes without His approval. Will all things work together for good? Sure. Did it have to be this way? No. This is uncomfortable. I can explain my side, but if they didn’t care about it last week, it’s difficult to imagine they’d change now. I don’t feel ashamed of the way I have handled it up to now. The Bible does say, “Seek peace and pursue it.” It doesn’t follow up with, “because it’s your job to make it happen.”

I don’t have to be the one to pursue God, My Father. He pursues me, crazy, rebellious, black sheep that I am. And all I have to do to seek peace is obey Him.

Filed Under: Imagination, parenting small children, Prayer, Uncategorized, where I'm from

Fifty Shades of… Cake?

May 21, 2012 by Maggie 23 Comments

Um, yeah. I won’t be reading those books. Let’s just say, that I’d bet dollars to donuts that none of the characters in the steamy little series is the least little bit like me or like I want to be.

However.

There’s this cake recipe that the midwestern church ladies make. They don’t say the name in mixed comp’ny. When they do say it, they blush and giggle.

It’s called…Better-Than-Sex-Cake.

There are actually two cakes I’ve been offered under this name. One has Cool Whip and crushed pineapple. The other is chocolate.

I’ve had sex and I’ve had cake. I can only conclude that the poor old gal who named this cake hadn’t. Or what she’d been offered had been a product of the least possible competence and effort.

Cake! I’m talking about cake.

So the reason I bring this up is I’ve been thinking lately that since the vittles around here have improved mightily in the last 2 months, there are a few foods that I consider BetterThanBetterThanSexCake. I probably should add a disclaimer than I don’t typically choose cake if cookies or cinnamon rolls are available. And I don’t compare desserts with…

Never. Mind.

THE ACCIDENTAL GUIDE TO FOODS THAT ARE BETTER THAN CAKE.

1) Hamburgers. Grilled at home over charcoal. You know I’m right.

2) Bacon. We still have several pounds. This isn’t number one, because there is just a ~~freaking~~ limit.

3) Fried rice. When I am ~~making~~ ordering it, I think, “Ah. Whatever. I guess rice.” When I taste it, I am all like,”Dang, that is just good!!!”

4) Peach Pie. From. Scratch.

5) Tea. Unsweet, Iced, Withlemononasunnydayridingaroundwiththewindowsdown~~andnochildreninthecar~~.

6) Pioneer Woman’s Cinnamon Rolls. Believe the hype.

7) My Spaghetti Sauce. Over angel hair pasta.

8) Real Homemade Mashed Potatoes.

9) Oatmeal Cookies. Great-grandma’s recipe.

10) Taco Salad. My recipe at home.

I am still pro-cake and pro-sex. I am, however, anti-allowing-virgins-to-name-desserts.

photo: food network

What sounds good tonight?

It’s Monday and I am SOOO MissElaineous!

Filed Under: Accidental Guide, books, dining out, food, Gratittude, humor

It Wasn’t a Threat; It was a Promise

May 10, 2012 by Maggie 7 Comments

You know when I said I was tempted to cut my hair? Spring Fever? Phone? All that?

Believe me. I hauled off.

Mickey didn’t get a phone. I got these.

I don’t know if it counts that I bought them from the phone guy’s mom. I know I have been living in a cave, but do you have any idea how much phones cost? For shame. I am right here at home if you need to reach me.

I took the girls out and we painted the town taupe, like we do.

Then something just came over me. I started up the street, that passes for the main drag here in town, and stopped at every salon that wasn’t a chain. Do you take walk-ins? How much is a haircut? When I found one that answered both questions, I bit. Y’all, I paid the same as I paid when I was in high school, and they brought me iced tea while I waited. ICED TEA.

So, tea already in hand, I called the kids in and sat down to wait.

In five or less, I was in the chair looking like this:

before

The previous week, I had visited the beauty college that has been providing all our services for the last few years. It took two hours to cut Mickey’s hair. The evening of the choir concert, it took two full hours to straighten the girls’ hair. I can do it at home in an hour and a half with shampoo and dry. They took two on dry hair. I needed the cut, but realized I just don’t have to do that anymore. A gal gets to have a hairdresser to call her own. That is what I was searching for.

In something less than the 2 hours I am pretty sure it would have taken at the cosmetology school, I came away with this:

super ugly pic of me; great pic of my hair

It was shorter than I planned, but by the time I realized what was happening, I already liked it. And I knew as I sipped the last drop of tea, I would be back

…in 4 to 6 weeks.

Filed Under: before and after, Gratittude

F-5: The Finger of God

May 5, 2012 by Maggie 4 Comments

image: trailer addict

If you follow me on Twitter, you know we watched Twister last night. For those of you who are not from Tornado Alley, I should clarify that it is to weather forecasting what Star Wars is to manned space exploration. Just. About. Nothing.

Except gorgeous. Not only does Helen Hunt’s hair NEVER look bad for one second, and there are so, so, many beautiful views of the prairie. The film takes place in the middle of where I lived from birth to age 27. Mountains and beaches mean nothing to me, compared to the beauty and power of a storm rolling across the prairie.

While talking with my friend, yesterday, I came to the realization that pretty much everything about life has changed. I am still married and still have my kids. We are still healthy. We still live in the same place.

But.

The bills are paid.

I don’t lay awake worrying.

Neither does he.

Mickey has new shoes.

So do I.

So do the kids.

Shoes, y’all.

Mickey even got some socks.

We replaced this pump on the HVAC unit. With no fear. No resentment.

There is discussion of joining a pool this summer. (???)

He hadn’t been at the new job too many days, when he became combative when I expressed the slightest difference from his thinking. He’d been ~~effing~~ miserable, but it had been more of a “we’reallinthistogetherIamsorrythissuckssomuchtoobeatdowntocare” thing. This was different.

We kinda worked through that.

Then, last week, we were both out of balance. Feeling a dread we couldn’t identify the source of. A little bicker-y. Then it dawned on me.

It was the end of the pay period. Our bodies were accustomed to going around in fear and anxiety, but this time there was no reason to panic.

Our bodies.

Our minds.

Our relationship.

The second half of the pay period (or half our lives, whichever you please). For years.

Once I pointed this out to him, things have settled a bit.

Did I mention? The bills are paid.

The last shot of the movie Twister is supposed to be an aerial view of the path of the storm. I haven’t ever seen a real one, so that’s what I have to go on.

It’s like that. Scoured and razed and fresh and alive to see it.

And kiss before we go back to living the dream.

Filed Under: Gratittude, job change, making ends meet, Uncategorized, where I'm from

Spring Fever…The Cure

May 3, 2012 by Maggie 11 Comments

I am trying to hide it from my kids.

I want to skip school and lay out.

I want to shop. Hard.

I want to DO SOMETHING.

So when they ask me to DO SOMETHING,

I have been overcompensating with the long list of reasons why we are not free to have a good time and enjoy the beautiful weather outside.

Which sounds good in print, but sounds ~~bitchy~~ ~~assholey~~ mean (even to me and I ~~am a hardass~~ take no nonsense IRL).

These are the times that try ~~men’s~~ women’s souls.

Combine this with the fact that we are going to have enough money to live and a little extra to LIVE, and I am like a ticking time bomb.

TEN THINGS I MAY ACCIDENTALLY DO TODAY IF I DON’T WATCH MYSELF CAREFULLY

1)…buy my husband a phone. It’s for a good cause. We may be the last living Americans without smartphones. (It was a massive handicap at Blissdom.) I figure if he gets his, then I’ll get mine. While that may be flawed thinking in other areas of life, I think with phones, it just might work.

2)…buy myself some shorts. I own two (2) pairs of shorts. It was 87 degrees here yesterday(according to the girls’ friend Amber and her grandma)… 87 is a record high for somedays in June and July here. I’m rapidly getting over my shame of the little smiles right above my knees.

3)…take off for here.

It is right on the river. There are thousands of things to do all around. Triple A baseball, IMAX, restaurants, shopping, and parks are all within walking distance. Chattanooga has an incredible downtown.

4) or here

Seriously, this is one of the best things we’ve ever done. The employees are new to America. Their name tags include the flag of their home countries. The foods are from all over the world and the signs include flag stickers and instructions for preparation– fry it, boil it, make it into a soup. The prices were better than the grocery store for the things I normally buy. We stopped in on our way home from a fun weekend, ate at the international buffet, threw a bunch of goodies on ice, and chugged home.

5) Seriously, there are two or three other quick trips that we could do in a day on the relatively cheap, except gas is so ~~freaking~~ high.

6) Buy a minivan. I haven’t shopped this out, but several friends of mine have had a good experience at Carmax. I am not inclined to do this without checking in with my good friends over at Consumer Reports. We used their car buying issue to select the “good car” we drive now. They didn’t “steer” us wrong. But our needs have changed.

–We can’t bring a friend along when we go place, because we have no extra seats.

–They can’t have the ~~loud~~ ~~adolescent~~ conversation they want to have while the adults in the front have any communication at all. And when they have to ~~establish boundaries~~ fight, they are shrilling right next to my head.

–I would like a little more cargo space, but I am not managing what I have well. It is currently being used as an extra closet. So I won’t list this.

My husband doesn’t like to shop when he isn’t going to buy. I don’t mind it, because, I am jsut honest with the sales person that he can go help someone who NEEEEEEEDs a car because I just want to look around and if he isn’t doing anything else, I wouldn’t mind a test drive.

Mickey has low sales resistance and high desire to be likeable.

I tell people things like:

“I appreciate that you need me to make an impulse purchase, but $135 is a lot for a flat iron, and I would like to be sure this fits into my budget. I know part of your sales strategy is for people to walk by and see me making a purchase, but I really will consider this tool and return if my husband and I agree that this is the best use of the money. Thanks so much for showing it to us.”

Do you think I would buy a car if I didn’t ~~want~~ need one?

7) Get a haircut. Not at the beauty college, but from a real stylist in a real salon where you cannot stay if you jack people up.

8. Go to Dollywood. We have been blessed with season passes this year. Seriously.

9) Pack the snacks. Hit the park. Stay all day. Maybe even bring the dogs.

10) Go to the movies. I’d really like to go without the kids. Dark Shadows doesn’t open until next week.

Bonus: I’d also like to haul off and put my house on the market. My next door neighbors did that and sold their house in a week. But HGTV did “shoots” in their house. Hoarders could lower their ratings by filming my house.

Do you have Spring Fever? How do you treat it?