There are a lot of things in life no one
warns tells you about.
Unless you are getting
wasted and laid a limo, the prom is just another dance and you spent waaay too much money. Everyone just wants everyone else to be there, so no one sitting home watching Dallas and eating pizza with their alcoholic stepdad has a better time than they did.
Okay, maybe that was just me.
Marriage is mostly a work partnership rather than a never-ending, sexy, well-dressed, indoor picnic cooked by the chef you flew in on your private jet.
Labor is painful, but it’s a good pain, like running. (Or that’s what I hear about running. And labor). Seemingly, no amount of prior experience is going to matter.
Your own children will be exceptionally naughty as those of the people you see in Target. And for several years, though you neither drink nor smoke, you will crave a cigarette and think, “It’s Miller Time,” at the stroke of 4:45. Every. Single. Day.
There is at least one more.
She’s going to have a crush. Or. Someone is going to have a crush on her. She will be weird and you will say, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” She’s not going to hear you. Someone might get hurt. Maybe her. Maybe him.
You tried to tell her and she couldn’t hear you. Now, you are going to have to hide your tears and remember to keep your mouth shut.
It’s the circle of life.
You’ve been warned.