I haven’t like the sound of my last few posts. I can’t stand the sound of my own voice. This was a huge problem for me on the other blog, as well. I sound so cranky. I want to be gentler.
A friend gave me Ann Voskamp’s book. I was stirred; I was shaken. I was irritated.
She is smooth and consistent. She feels deeply and experiences the support of her husband and his brothers and thousands of fellow bloggers and thankers. She thanks God. She doesn’t complain. She is grateful. She is called to call others. She is a good girl, and look how God has blessed her. I realize the point is gratitude, and knowing God better through obedience to Him. I got that. I got that right quick and then sat and marveled at the seamlessness of her voice. If I could strum the strings like that, I would be really, really thankful.
I know. Hilarious. (Just like the fact that she is another blogger whose book I read and said, “Totally worth the fuss.”)
I know if she were to read this post she would slap her lyrical forehead with the heel of her poetic hand and think, “Ribbons of moonlight swirled through the window as I read another stupid idiot’s point-missing post.”…or some such.
Woe to me, if I skim along the surface and try to be more poetic when I thank God for closer parking spaces and Fanta Grape. I want to dig down deep. My deep.
I want to be gentler. Calmer. More confident. But I want a gentler me. Not my imitation of someone else’s gentleness, or their voice.
As I read, I became more and more acutely aware of the danger of making the list(you can link your list to her blog, weekly) to impress the author, or the other women, rather than to find your own thousand. Just between you and God. To try to make a poetic list, rather than a spiritual quest to restore thankfulness to its pivotal role in relating to God personally. Which I need to do desperately. Desperately. But.
My voice is sardonic(yes, there is exactly a word for it) . It just doesn’t sound like the babbling of a brook on the Canadian prairie. It sounds like an air wrench in the automotive center at W-M. Sadly, I just don’t think it’s going to change.
Created in the image of God, every person, every culture, every style, every voice expresses a view of Him that cannot be complete without every piece fitted together. For every lyricist, there is a [non-poet] whatever we may be.
What are you? Poet? Wise Acre? Or Someone who…?
…on an unrelated topic…every time I look at a blog these days, a blogger has scooped a topic I have thought of and may even have a post underway on it. Is that a good sign or a bad one? I don’t want to seem like I am going around copying.