What Wisdom I’ve Gained…In All the Same Areas My Mother Did…

Mom and Grandma told me that “nothing jiggles” on a lady.  Or at least it shouldn’t.

At that time, the information was of no use to me, as I was 5’2″ and weighed 95 lbs. soaking wet.

I think you’d agree, time keeps slipping into the future.

Today, the opposite is true.  The absence of jiggle is also not any mark of a lady.  The presence of jiggle is not a way of separating the ladies from the women or broads.

I am also no longer 5’2″…

Fashion trended away from “leave a little something to the imagination”.

Fashion, that excellent slave–that terrible master.

Has driven culture to the point that Southern Living Magazine would devote a half page of copy space for a young writer to apologize and explain her reasons for appearing in ankle socks elsewhere in the issue*.  As if they would lose readers, if there were not some sort of editorial responsibility taken when a young woman keeps her toes clean and safe as she learns to fly on the trapeze.

I digress.

Discreet fashion choices that emphasize strengths and downplay weakness is out of the question.  Utility and appropriateness to the event or activity is relative.

Maybe it’s my home training, but I don’t think of the trends as my “right”.  If it shows me for what I am, I figure I don’t need to make my problem yours, and I cover myself. Vanity?  Heck, YEAH!!! But I’m leaving my struggle with chronic pain, depression, and gravy to your imagination.

My point?  Years ago, in an effort to prevent “jiggle” and “leave it to the imagination”, a woman had an arsenal of “FOUNDATIONS”.  The girdle has gone by the wayside.  Unstylish.  Unattractive.  Indicative of some sort of bondage….  Today, a young woman would never admit to wearing a girdle to cheat her way into a garment that is really made for a different body type.  Because they are a thing of the past.

Today, we have “shapers”.  Spanx.

Because those aren’t girdles.

Yes, they are.  Spanx are girdles.  Just say it.  Don’t apologize.

You are wearing Jane Jetson’s girdle.

There you go.  The emperor is now free to put his pants back on and look better in them.

 

*About 5 years ago, before Lindsey Biermann took over and turned it into Hipster Living. I subscribe and complain every month.  Mickey thinks it’s PMS.

 

 

Hunting for Sexy Beasts

People get upset when I use the word sexy to apply to things that I find personally very very….

desirable.

Men have been talking about cars that way for a long, long time.  Always.

But let me use it to refer to a handbag or a phone or a curriculum set,

and here we go.

The little smirk.

Condescending chuckle.

Get the point, please.

I feel the way about this…. opportunity.  That a man feels about his fantasy Porsche.

Or I think of this handbag.  Like he thinks of that BMW, he talks about.

SEXY.

Desirable.

Slightly out of reach.

Not in my league, but I know the worth.

Perhaps a little more desirable for it’s inaccessibility.

Leaves you just a little hungry.

Or whatever.

It’s on my mind because I’ve been getting a little practice lately.  Join me.  See if you can find the sexy beast.

No.

 

Let’s continue to search.

 

The 7 year-old, of the species, seats 7 and has an integrated child safety seat.  The children no longer have to be in physical contact at all times when riding.  Apparently, this is mine.  Hands off, Ladies.

Find your own.

Not sexy.  Just beast.  Get. Your. Own.

 

This exact one.  If you’ve noticed a four-fold increase in awkward-disorderliness-resulting-in-accidents-in-the-home, here’s what happened.  On the fourth, we got one of these( a discontinued model for $100 less).  I was ‘wonky’ from “GO!”  In two weeks, the little touchy mouse substitute thingy was o.u.t.  So I got another(30 day guarantee, and they price matched the current model since they were out of turds).

This is my first laptop.

Spell along with me… s-e-x-y-b-e-a-s-t.

Now, that you’ve been on a search for what fits the description of a sexy beast…  A quiz:

Is this a sexy beast?

photo credit: droidlessons.com

Maybe?

I am linking this post with Wordful Wednesday at Parenting by Dummies.

 

 

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