It’s Not the Shoes

They say you never miss things until they’re gone.

My professors said,”You’ve got to do something about this anxiety.”  And, “Let something go.”

I chose to let the laundry go.

Friday morning, I had no clean underwear.

On Tuesdays, the girls are supposed to do laundry.  They did.  Theirs.  They left it in all stages of the process.  I backtracked through the mashed in the basket to wrinkle., the left in the dryer to wrinkle, and the mildewing in the washer.  I found not more than a half dozen items belonging to other family members in three loads of laundry.  The mildewing washer load had a single pair of my underwear but I didn’t have time to re-wash and dry them.

There are two options, as it was 8:03 and I had to be out the door by 8:10:

1) Re-wear the dirty ones.

2) Go “Commando”.

I will not burden your imagination with my decision.  Suffice to say, I find these alternatives difficult to rank in order of relative psychological comfort.

Today, I had the opportunity to attack the laundry problem, and was distressed to find:

–Mickey might have gone to work naked on Friday.  Which might be pushing “Casual Friday” beyond reasonable limits on a regular week, but this week he was supposed to have a meeting with the Bishop of the local diocese.  Lord, have mercy; Christ, have mercy.

–Marcus took a different approach.  Though I hadn’t done any laundry since last week, there were only three pair of his underwear in the laundry.  I decline to speculate on all that this implies.  I was however able to do an entire load of laundry consisting almost entirely of socks and underwear.

ACCIDENTAL THOUGHTS ON THE POWER OF THE RIGHT PAIR OF DRAWERS:

1) Have you ever searched for your favorite underwear on an important day?  This can either mean a day when you expect great things, like your birthday; or it can refer to anticipated stress, like a big exam.  Of course, you have.  The right underwear make a difference.

2) Do you have special underwear for different purposes? Of course, you do.  The right underwear make a difference.  For example:  When you exercise, there are some underwear that make you feel really sad.   Also, don’t even try to wear those five year-old Hanes Her Way under that prom dress.  And I assume you understand that you aren’t under any circumstances to wear the prom underwear to a meeting with the Bishop.  Of course, you do.  There is a right place and a right time.

3) There are some people who do not wear underwear.  This is a lifestyle choice and in no way my business to judge.  If this describes you, do you know that you aren’t to tell me about it?  Of course, you do.  Again, no judging, but I think “no underwear” people are missing out.

Awhile back, the time came to have a little more in-depth talk with the girls about romance and relationships.  It was sort of strenuous.  Like herding cats.  For those of you young parents who think “the talk” happens once, I wish you all the best.  That has not been my experience. When we were done, we went shopping for cute underwear.  Sound weird?  Of course, it does.  My point to them, then (and I need to remember it myself) was that you feel special for yourself.  Respect yourself and treat yourself well.

When I was about 15, I started shopping for high end underwear.  Mom made no comment. I was in 9th grade; P.E. and I had broken up years before.  It was the eighties, and we all dressed like bankers for high school. I wasn’t buying them to show anyone.  They worked just as well as the ugly  ones. I wasn’t buying them to communicate an identity– grandmother, skank, athlete.  I was buying them to celebrate- “This is not for boys, of which I am not one.  Oh, and by the way, I feel pretty powerful.”

The right underwear is a powerful thing.  Clark Kent knows.

It’s not the shoes.

 

NaBloPoMo_November_0

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

  1. This cracked me up. I used to work in a church office – and I have to admit that I never gave any special consideration to my underwear choices most days.

    Love that you took your daughters to the store for cute underwear after one of those talks. That is a brilliant idea….and I’m totally going to steal it. You are so right that the talk isn’t a one-time thing, but I think that is good. Can you imagine trying to fit all the important stuff into one awkward conversation? What a nightmare.

I love it when you sass me. Please leave a comment.

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