Science and God

In January, I prayed for a miracle.

I got a diagnosis.

Though it brought a little encouragement that there was a reason for all this, not a miracle.  Doctors diagnose things.

I discovered a person I wanted to become friends with.

Not a miracle.  It’s a small world, after all.  Turns out, she’s practically famous.

Since that time, I’ve had 4 days of pain-free, energy, and focus. Two in February.  Two in March.

Not a miracle.   Little chemical accidents in the chaos.

On Friday last, the on-call doc stepped me back off the meds and I became suicidal.  He didn’t warn me of potential side effects, because he didn’t think it was necessary.

But he did remind me that the Bible tells us:

“37 They were stoned, they were sawn in two, they were tempted, they were put to death with the sword; they went about in sheepskins, in goatskins, being destitute, afflicted, ill-treated 38 (men of whom the world was not worthy), wandering in deserts and mountains and caves and holes in the ground.39 And all these, having gained approval through their faith, did not receive what was promised,”


I didn’t commit suicide.


I can get back to making a half-assed life for my family.

The doctor was right.  God is still trustworthy even if nothing ever changes; even if I’ve tasted ‘regular’ and know exactly what I and my family don’t get to have.

This post is brought to you by the doctor’s office and the pharmaceutical manufacturer.  And their insurance company, CYA.






  1. Thank you so much for your raw honesty and shout out. :p I’m becoming famous one day at a time. (Btw, I know that wasn’t about me, I’m just making a joke. Ha. Ha.)

    On a serious note, I’ve been reading your blog for a while and I just want to reach through cyber space and hug you. I appreciate authenticity and I love how you aren’t afraid to bring that out. Thank you for being you. 🙂

  2. I can’t seem to find the right words. Thank you for you for being real. Peace and love to you my friend. Here’s to finding miracles in tightly knitted balls of crap. If you ever want to have a cup of coffee with someone else who’s sometimes caught doing life half-assed – this Nashville girl will drive to you for one.

  3. You know how special you are, right?


    Good. {hug}

  4. That is so true: God is still trustworthy even if nothing ever changes.

    You’re a big, sweet miracle to me.

    And don’t feel alone in the half-assedness area. I’m right there with you, sister. Riiiight there.

I love it when you sass me. Please leave a comment.

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