Yesterday, I made my confession where table manners is concerned. It’s shocking.
You raise them up. Maybe, say, you homeschooled. All along you thought it was about the way school is done in a world where there are no wrong answers (I wouldn’t let my kid become an astronaut under the circumstances). Eventually, they get big and recalcitrant and you wonder.
I’m just about back in square. I was a little sideways for awhile.
The table manners. They don’t play three musical instruments. They don’t speak three languages.
They can dance. One can rap.
I wanted a picture perfect. I got a tear-stained, snot-smeared, spit-fragranced struggle. And a rapper. They are probably geniuses, but will openly admit they knew it was two against one. Their test scores will get them into community college (which is
freaking fine with me because it’s free. Free.). We get sideways looks because their future plans aren’t pre-med, pre-law, pre-vet, pre-professional. They aren’t looking at schools that can beat the local university in football. Never mind the Ivy League or the full ride scholarships in piano, voice, or engineering.
Two weeks ago, their friend told them their mother needed to get with it.
Because I’m trying to get into a better school? Nope.
I’m about to break it down in terms even a kid who isn’t majoring in bio-medical engineering can understand.
I’m gonna tell you this, and I don’t want any arguments. Well, I probably wouldn’t know how to move forward without arguments. So. Whatever.
I’m pretty sure one or more of my daughters was diagnosable with one or more of: ADHD, ODD, or RAD for most of their childhoods. These people are adopted. All of those are more prevalent in adopted kids; as are the 7 Core Issues – loss, rejection, grief, identity, guilt/shame, intimacy & relationships, and control/gains.
WE ARE STILL
They are probably not diagnosable today.
I’m not claiming credit for anything. I’m probably more like that person in the movies who plants their feet and ducks their head and lets the firestorm hit them full force.
It has been that ugly.
A year ago, I was rejoicing in the tremendous treasure that our lives are. We are alive. Healthy. Enthusiastic. Their teachers llurrrve them. We enjoy each other. We laugh, pray, shop,
and gossip together. We fight over clothes, chores, and school work. I felt the full affirmation of God that we are where we are and it was just okay to be us. On that day in May when Emma came home and told me someone had asked why she didn’t aim higher, I was shattered. I let it drain away my joy. Every place I look, there is a kid whose homeschooling family has lifted him or her up to super achievements. And here we are, just in the middle. There is no way to describe this to anyone that’s going to make much sense. I’ve experienced God’ pleasure. Why worry about the opinions of a bunch of people? Is that anyone’s worry but mine?
They will graduate under the sideways looks of all those close enough to us to wonder why we didn’t aim higher.
Higher than hoping to have a whole healthy family.
And not to see their food when they chew.
By the grace of God.