Several years ago, we were in the car on the way to school.
Type A: I can’t wait until I am an adult.
Me: Hmm. That’s interesting? What appeals to you about adulthood? Making the mortgage every month? Laying awake nights worrying about the kids? Shopping for insurance? I’m asking.
Type A: I just want to be in control.
Her daddy and me: [screaming with laughter until the tears run down]…
For one thing, Sustah, has been controlling everything she could get hold of the wheel on since “GO”.
ANOTHER ACCIDENTAL GUIDE TO THIS AND SIX MORE DISAPPOINTMENTS OF GROWING UP
1) CONTROL…I wish. I can control when I pay the bills, but not whether the creditor will apply them to my account. I can go through all the hoops of getting my stolen property back, but I cannot make the bank and the police stop treating me like the criminal.
2) DOING WHATEVER
THE FREAK YOU WANT… I mean, it’s certainly an option. I don’t want to manage the money or persevere in loneliness or tell you, “NO.” But I want what is best. For me. For you. I can eat too much food. But not if I want to stay healthy. I can eat only snack cakes and drink only soda, but not if I want to keep my teeth. I can buy only clothes and not make the light bill, but if it’s dark, who’s gonna see me in my new gear? I can tell people what I think of them. Yes, I certainly can. And I can get a reputation as a person who thinks her opinion is the only one that matters bitch asshole jerk . I don’t have to go to school or work a job. That’s true. The homeless shelters are here to stay.
3) KNOWING EVERYTHING… Clearly, you already think you do, but the more mature a person is, the more humble they become about the exceptions to what they believe to be the only way to do things.
4) HAVING FUN ALL THE TIME… This one is actually accessible if you control your idea of fun. If it’s fun to live in a great house, be healthy, and be ready for a rainy day, then necessarily the planning and hard work that makes those possible is fun, too. If by fun you mean spending every weekend at the beach or going to concerts a couple times a month, or staying out late drinking, you will have to learn to manage life a different way. I can’t help you. It’s just not like that if you want to be actually grown up.
5) NO ONE TELLING YOU WHAT TO DO… Wrong. If you become an entrepreneur to avoid having a boss, the law will still tell you how to run your business. Neighborhood Associations, club memberships, professional codes of ethics, all tell you how to live. There are stories in the news daily of people who are squalling to be made an exception. Generally, people don’t really like them.
Ironically, people who seem to have the most success in life are those who find out what they want to be and follow the rules of the game.
Get over this misconception and you will be mostly grown.
6) STAYING UP AS LATE AS I WANT… Go ahead and do that. But get your
ass self out of bed and go to work. Don’t expect to be given special treatment if you stayed up late to drink. Or don’t be surprised when you get downsized. Alternatively, no one will prevent you from going to bed at a reasonable hour and feeling good the next day. It’s totally your call.
7) UNDERSTANDING THE EVENING NEWS… I’m looking forward to that, too. But having celebrated the 24th anniversary of my majority this year, I can tell you it’s nowhere in sight. When I look at what’s happening in the world, I want to cry. When people hurt children. When people attack others for believing differently. When the rich steal from the poor. When people need me to endorse their bullshit. When no one in the line at the food bank is thin and most drive a better car than I do.
My dream for you, My Precious Little Baby Control Freak, is that you live fearlessly and all your dreams come true. That one day you get that cell phone and facebook. And one day you’ll be coming for Thanksgiving with a perfect child and a bottle of wine and your “has-been-boy-band-member” husband who now works a job like regular folk. And you’ll be wise and happy and grown up. That is all.
I am linking this post with Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop. Where everyone acts like adults all the time. And we all get to stay up as late as we want and we always get our way. ‘Cause we’re grown.